I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
