yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
