Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
