facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
