Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
