Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
