how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina is very pro this idea
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
