last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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