that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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