I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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