The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
