he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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