I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
