we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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