I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
