A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
