I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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