ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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