The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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