as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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