Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
