Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
