maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
