I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
