I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
