She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
