Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
