i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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