if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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