New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
