This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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