Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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