ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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