sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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