Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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