Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
