You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
