And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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