i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
