Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
