So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
