I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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