He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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