I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
