what day is it and did you see me today?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
