well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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