So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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