just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
