I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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