She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
