somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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