Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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