Cold hands, warm shart.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She told me I should be a condom model.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
